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LEAVE A DEPOSIT AND WE’LL SEND IT ON LATER

SSD has always received a steady supply of undergarments to examine for the presence of male or female stains. Usually these are ladies items which are submitted because the husband has suspicions that his wife is having an affair.

We are able to examine these in several ways. Male fluids contain significant quantities of a substance called acid phosphatase, which can be detected in the fluid if it is of male origin. Microscopic examination will identify whether it contains sperm, although there are now a significant proportion of males who have received a vasectomy, making this test less reliable unless spermatozoa are found. Thirdly, good success rates are observed on the cellular content to identify whether the fluid is female.

Many clients prefer not to have their garments returned for fear of their partner collecting the package from the front door mat. One suspicious lady left us with a staggering eleven pairs of her husband’s briefs, received over two months, leaving us to wonder how she would explain that away – washing machine’s chewed up your eleventh pair of pants, dear. You’ll have to wear mine ‘till I can get you some more. Probably a good recipe for preventing extra-marital relations though.

One unfortunate member of the public asked us to undertake a similar assignment and posted the garment second class post, unregistered, in an envelope. Sadly, it failed to materialise and the local post office must have either chewed the garment up in the machinery or delivered it to the wrong address by mistake.

Quite a surprise for somebody, no doubt, but a lesson for us all. Never trust the routine post for anything irreplaceable, always register it, and if there is ever any doubt we will always make arrangements to collect it ourselves.